Study

Recently I have been reengaged with the discipline of study. I am doing this primarily through listening to audio books and lectures while I drive. I am finding it to be powerful. This practice is giving me much to think about and discern. That is why I haven't written in awhile.

One thing I have been thinking about is our use of money. I heard someone say that bank fees (ATM, overdraft, online bill pay) amount to nearly a billion dollars a year. Wow! All of those fees are avoidable with a little work and focused effort. Some of the people spending that money much be Christians.

Contrast that to the cost of a gifts through Lutheran World Relief. Here is a little excerpt from their fruit tree seedlings.

Cost $40.00
Fruit trees don’t just flower. They provide income, shade, and bio-diversity. For a farmer struggling to make ends meet, a grove of fruit trees can mean better food for the family and more income. Help a farmer bloom this year.

Imagine if we redirected our bank fees toward someone who needs help..

Gratitude

One of the disciplines I have been cultivating lately is gratitude. I have realized that gratitude helps keep me centered in what is real and to not get wound up in the trivial or mundane. That isn't to say that I don't give those things my time, I do but they do not occupy the same place of importance as the more foundational things in life.

Gratitude also helps me not get too wrapped up in the pain I am facing daily. It is easy for me to focus on what I perceive is "not right" with me and forget all that is good and whole in my life.

I am continually feeling called to not let things slip by or to not wait until some time in the future. There is a sense that we must learn to live life now and in the fullness of what we have now. I am also learning to express my thankfulness for blessings in my life.

If you are reading this I am thankful for you...

Lament

I have been pondering the Desert Fathers understanding about anger being a barrier to prayer. Anger is such a natural response to suffering and if it is a barrier to prayer then how can I be prayerful in the midst of chronic pain?

I got a great insight from one of the guys in my men's group last week. He reminded me of strong biblical tradition of lament. Many of the Psalms are Psalms of lament. This is where the Psalmist brings his pain and sorrow to God through lament. Lament is about mourning and grief and it is not a barrier to prayer.

Lament describes my inner life much better than anger. Yes at times I feel anger and even get angry but it is not the dominant pattern in my life. Lament however is a regular part of my life. It is my constant companion. To have no lament about my pain and loss would be untrue and I would be avoiding what is really going on. Lament however does not exclude joy.

Joy and thankfulness also describe my inner life to the same degree as the lament. I carry within me lament, sorrow, joy and gratitude. I hold these opposites as one and therefore I am not a disintegrated person, I am human.

Perhaps this is the wisdom of the sages, the ability to hold opposites together and to live prayerfully. Lord willing I will be able to hold this tension and from it witness to a deeper reality of God's presence as compassion and hope.